Heavy Eyelids

I would like to discover the equation for heavy eyelids. What is the unique combination of elements, and what are the measurements of these elements, that leads to a state where the weight of the eyelids become too much? And why do both eyelids reach this point at the same time? While behaviors like winking would lead us to belive that eyelids are self-sufficient, anecdotal experience suggets that this separateness is learned and must be overcome for the proper state of droopy eyelids to take affect. In any case, I have conducted significant research on the different elements of the heavy eyelid equation. Thus, far I would hypothesize as follows:

Boredom is additive, having an affect on heavy eyelids, but to no great degree.

Body tiredness is multiplicatory, with general fatigue, particularly when induced by signficant physical exertion, has an affect that appears multiplicatory. However, research thus far is inconclusive and one might suggest that the equation determining the affec tof body tiredness is actually exponential.

Tea is subtractive, unless it has no caffine. This could lead one to conclude that caffine is subtractive, and this might be the case. Further research is needed, but I really don't like thoee energy drinks or coffee, and caffine pills creep me out. I only take the energy drinks on rare circumstances, and I cannot guarantee if their effects are placebo or contrubutatory to another element such as carbonization.

Hour of day has an effect, but appears variable and defies easy addition to the equation. For instance, at this moment the felt lateness of the hour weights on my eyelids. (Note the role of perception here. I feel it is past midnight while it is really only 10 p.m.) However, strong encouragement (I have no idea where this was going as I began sleeping while I write "strong encouragement" and feel they belong to a dream suggesting the preference of gym teachers. Again, I enter a compromised state of consciousness, bringing gym teachers in where their presence is unwanted at best.)

However, above all, the most signifcant factor in heavy eyelidsness is a disengagement of the mind.

So roll yourself off this couch and into bed, you fool.